Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
