what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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