TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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