When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
