You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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