Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Did I show you my penis last night?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Randomize
