I want to make a zoo with you.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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