I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think I won the penis lottery.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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