Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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