6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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