Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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