youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
