At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
