Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
