Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
