i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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