i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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