I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
