Your mouth is God's brothel.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I want a musical about memes.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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