She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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