Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
