You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i now understand why vodka
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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