New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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