I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
