I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
