too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
