Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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