I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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