...so i touched it.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
