In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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