im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
