forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
