I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
