And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
