How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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