My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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