i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
