He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
