Midget sex pt 2 tonight
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
