I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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