i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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