so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
