i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
