He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
