everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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