just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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