That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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