im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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