We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
