Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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