I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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