you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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