I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
