she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
