my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
